JOMO — The joy of missing out

I REMEMBER growing up in the 1960s, the then-widely used phrase of ‘Keeping up with the Joneses’ had joyfully followed to refer to those – the Baby Boomers, those born between 1946 and 1964 – whose mentality, behaviour and lifestyle were to ensure that they were able to conform, ape and even copy those whom they felt were the up and rising middle-class of that era.

Then came 2004, and it was the time for the Millennials (1986-1996) and Gen Z (1997-2012) to create, invent and pursue their own thing; thus, the term ‘Fear of Missing Out’ (FOMO) was coined by Patrick James McGinnis in 2004.

More than two decades later, FOMO continues to challenge everyone from the ages of 12 to 85.

FOMO was greatly aided by the rise of social media, and the creator of the term – then, a Harvard Business School (HBS) student – had named the sensation after seeing his peers struggle with endless opportunities, which he wrote at length in ‘The Harbus’ (the HBS magazine), popularising the acronym and leading to its widespread use with the explosion of social media in the late 2000s.

The concept of wanting what others have or fearing being excluded from it, materially or in experiences, goes back to biblical times.

The Bible is full of stories of such covetousness, jealousies and envies, and with the advent of modern-day interconnectedness, FOMO has been identified as a primary stress factor from the overwhelming social options now available.

By 2013, British psychologists had defined FOMO as a ‘pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent’, linking all this to social media and unmet needs for belonging.

One needs not venture to look too far to see the influence that FOMO has had closer to home.

Just open up your own account on Facebook, Instagram and X and you would be opening the doors to many posts, shares and comments on photographs of folks enjoying their holidays in exotic places; entertaining at posh eateries, partying at lavish functions; celebrating occasions with families and friends: birthdays, weddings, openings, launchings, promotional events – the list is endless.

For the majority of us, it’s a glimpse into another world, probably nothing resembling ours.

For a small minority, it’s a chance to scroll and see what’s trending, who’s on the upward bound direction, and who’s who in their own social circles and cliques.

For those socialites and business people, every photograph shared on social media would be closely scrutinised, and pondered; who’s doing what with whom, and then usually that pesky irritating question would be asked of oneself – “Why wasn’t I invited / included?”

There comes that FOMO feeling again.

On the flipside would be most of us ordinary folks – the salt-of-the-earth ordinary citizens, happy to be out of the limelight, and usually working very hard to ensure that they don’t make any waves or cause any trouble with any authority anywhere.

The guy who would quietly queue and wait for his turn at the government office; orders his food from his usual hawker stall without creating a fuss; parks his car impeccably; slips a used wrapper into his pocket to bring it home to discard; and hopes that there’s no waiting invitation for someone’s son’s wedding, or a school reunion!

Yes, there are people who are truly and simply JOMO; those who subscribe to and live a most happy life of the ‘Joy of Missing Out’!

I believe there are three main reasons why some choose to live a JOMO life.

The first is pretty obvious: he has done it all, been there, enjoyed, lived and experienced everything that he had ever wanted to – usually during his younger days, in his prime, and usually as part-and-parcel of his working life.

Many would come from inherited family wealth too.

He has been to all the faraway places, partaken of all the exotic food and drinks, dived the deepest oceans and climbed the most famous mountains, and experienced all the wonders of whatever personal interests he had.

In other words, he has lived a full life, and now, it’s time to chill, rest and take it easy.

The second category belongs to people who’s lived and worked – what I’d call workaholics – who had simply enjoyed and found their true calling in the work ethics, and had nary any time for themselves.

These are the folks who grudgingly attend office functions, business events and dread to be away from home for more than a couple of nights.

Yes, there are such people, as I do know quite a few of them. They are so very happy to be able to retire and lead a quiet JOMO life today.

Then there’s the third group, and I must admit that I belong to this one, so I can speak freely for them, based on my own personal experience.

Having left school after a very fulfilling education, we balanced it off with extracurricular activities in school: sports, games, debating, amateur drama, uniformed groups, school magazine and others; yes, FOMO at work there already in the 1960s!

After starting work, it was all a continuous chain of work hard, play even harder!

Times were good, opportunities abounded, economies boomed and if you were in the world of marketing, finance, the motor trade and any of the professional groups like medicine, engineering, legal, manufacturing, export-import, timber, insurance and transport, you were making big bucks and FOMO never came into play – you were right in the midst of it all!

By the turn of the 2000s, a new world unfolded before our very eyes.

Prior to the advent of the Internet, everything was simple, down-to-earth, and one-on-one; communication by letters which were sent by faxes, and we still talked to each other on the phone and could hear and listen to each other’s virtuosity in our voices.

Once we started using emails and texts on smartphones and computers, a lot of all these became impersonal, mechanical and lost forever to the invisible network that is the Internet.

Once, not so long ago, I could take a photograph, enjoyed it capturing a moment in time, and give it to someone I liked and it would be treasured.

Today, within a click and a few seconds, I can share a dozen snaps of a shot taken at a party, all random, mostly nice, and the recipient might be scrolling them over barely, spending more than two seconds on each, before flicking off to the next post.

Yes, I don’t mind at all missing out as I shuffle off slowly into the sunset of my days – a happy JOMO.

I’m still trying to figure out whether in 2004 when I had first read about FOMO is this: why hadn’t I even asked myself whether I was one of those FOMOs?

Probably because I was already a ‘DITA’ – ‘Deep in the Action’ – then!

Take care and keep well.